Can Addiction and Marriage Co-Exist?

Addiction is all-consuming, and that includes parenting. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, whole families suffer when one parent (or both) is living in active alcohol or drug addiction.

Children might feel confused, anxious, or neglected. Or, they might not understand why one parent’s behavior changes so drastically from day to day.

The parenting of a spouse who isn’t using substances also suffers. You might feel overwhelmed or burnt out from trying to hold finances and responsibilities together. This only makes you resent your partner more, creating more distance between you.

With treatment and comprehensive support offered at Ingrained Recovery, it isn’t just the addicted partner who benefits. The whole family finds a safer, more stable space.

A marriage can survive through substance or alcohol addiction, but only with help. Survival takes support, honesty, and, no matter how much your partner insists they can do it alone, treatment. Only with treatment can couples repair and rebuild.

This doesn’t mean your partner has to be perfect. They might struggle or even relapse. What matters most is that they are committed to healing and able to be honest about their struggles.

From there, healing becomes possible if you can both accept that substance use is a disease rather than a moral failing. It’s something that you both can overcome together.

Can Marriages Survive When Both Spouses Are Addicted?

It’s not always one alcohol or drug-addicted spouse in a marriage. You may be struggling, too. It’s possible you started drinking or using drugs with your partner. Or, maybe you’ve turned to substances on your own to cope.

Neither of you is “bad” because of these decisions. But if you don’t start the recovery process, it is a near certainty that you will keep spiralling deeper into unhealthy patterns.

Our couples’ rehab programs at Ingrained are an option when both spouses are struggling. You’ll work together (and separately) on healing. This might look like treating underlying mental health disorders, working through trauma, and finding better ways to cope that don’t rely on drugs or alcohol.

Is Addressing Addiction Necessary for the Marriage to Heal?

Healing a relationship without addressing substance abuse is, pun intended, a pipe dream. And, even if your marriage survives, it will be filled with mistrust, emotional instability, and resentment. It may survive on paper, but you will still be emotionally suffering until your partner gets treatment.

When your partner chooses to commit to substance abuse treatment, they start to heal. And so will your marriage. As part of this healing, couples find space to talk, reconnect, understand each other, and build a healthier foundation.

Behavioral couples therapy (BCT) is proven to improve your partner’s recovery outcomes and relationship satisfaction. The addicted partner still gets substance abuse treatment on their own.

But in BCT, you’ll work with your partner to communicate openly and strengthen trust. Family therapy can also be helpful.

You learn how to reduce conflict and improve emotional support. BCT brings you together as a team and creates accountability after drug or alcohol use has torn you apart.

Can Couples Rebuild Trust in Addiction Treatment?

Trusting after addiction is possible, but treatment has to come first. When you collaborate with your partner in treatment, you find the structure to rebuild safely. This comes through consistent behavior, honesty, and emotional transparency.

As you communicate in treatment, you learn to share feelings without assigning blame. It helps to set fair expectations for your partner and to support each other during challenges.

Another big part is following through with commitments. Trust won’t return overnight, but it can grow again if both partners put effort into healing.

Why Do Some Couples Feel Closer After Getting Through Addiction Together?

There is a lot of vulnerability, accountability, and courage needed to heal after drug or alcohol abuse. When couples face this big obstacle and choose to grow together, instead of falling apart, your bond can come out stronger on the other side.

You might find new or renewed purpose, emotional closeness, and shared priorities in recovery. This strength isn’t forced, but instead comes from honesty and teamwork as you face the challenges and triumphs of addressing a substance use disorder with unity.

It’s hard to walk the line between setting healthy boundaries and enabling. But when the right boundaries are set, they give you a sense of emotional and physical safety.

For example, have you ever lied about your spouse’s whereabouts to your children or their parents when they were actively using? A good boundary might be refusing to cover up harmful behavior.

Other good boundaries are learning to say “no” when something feels unsafe, refusing to enable substance use, and setting limits around finances or responsibilities. Boundaries are crucial so that you can both grow and rebuild trust without harming each other due to misunderstandings and false expectations.

It can be frustrating to watch your partner give in to alcohol or illicit drug use again, but it doesn’t mean they are failing. Many people relapse, only to bounce back stronger than before. Rather than failure, this should be looked at as your spouse needing extra support.

It’s important that you don’t shame your partner or blame them. Alcohol and drug use is a complex disease.

Instead, encourage them to recommit to treatment. Invite them to share about their triggers, seek counseling, and attend support groups. Last, adjust expectations and goals as needed. A setback doesn’t have to mean hitting rock bottom again.

If you and your spouse are both struggling, you don’t have to wait for them to be ready to get help. You deserve safety, peace, and support. And, sometimes, the work that you’re doing in treatment might encourage your spouse to do the same.

At the same time, remember that you can’t force your spouse to get treatment. You’ll likely need to make some hard decisions to keep yourself sober, but recovery will arm you with the tools and support that make difficult decisions a little easier.

Should I Stay Married to an Addict if They Won’t Enter Addiction Recovery?

You don’t have to separate if your partner refuses to consider help, but staying together without it can be dangerous and harmful. If your emotional or physical safety is at risk, or if your partner’s decisions are causing harm, temporarily separating keeps you safe. It’s also important to separate in cases of domestic violence.

Professional help can also give couples clarity. Sometimes, the space you find can help both partners focus on healing. In other cases, staying together during treatment may be possible.

Rather than separation, the goal becomes health, safety, and stability. You’ll still attend individual counseling and other programs on your own, but you also have each other’s support.