Ruining My Life With Alcohol: My Misadventures

Learning from One Man’s Mistakes Before You Hit Rock Bottom

If you are reading this, there’s a good chance that I have been in your shoes. You may be struggling with alcohol abuse, not sure where to turn next. It’s a terrible place to be, and I can completely relate. As you’ll see from my story below, I was ruining my life with alcohol for years, and while I am proud to say that I am now in recovery, it has not been easy.

This won’t be a sugar coated account of my alcohol addiction. That wouldn’t help anyone. Rather, I want to give you an honest accounting of how my life was destroyed by alcohol – and then gradually rebuilt, one piece at a time.

In the end, I hope this story is encouraging, as it shows that there is a path forward from even the worst cases of alcohol addiction. Let’s get started.

The First Drink – Innocence and Ignorance

Everyone’s first experience drinking alcohol is unique, yet there are some similarities that tend to tie these stories together. My first drink – and perhaps yours – came when I was a teenager. I didn’t really set out to start drinking. Rather, I was just trying to be cool, to fit in with the older kids. It was just a cup of warm beer at a party, but it started a journey with alcohol consumption that would later spiral out of control.

To be honest, I didn’t really even enjoy drinking alcohol at the start. That’s the strange thing about alcohol use – it takes a while to come to enjoy it, and then crave it. Like many, the side effects of the alcohol were more enjoyable to me than the drink itself. Drinking let me relax in social settings. It made me more fun (or so I thought), and it unlocked a side of my personality that I couldn’t show to the world any other way.

It’s easy to see looking back how drinking alcohol tricked me into thinking it was something that it isn’t. I felt that it was a magical way to have more fun, make more friends, and be accepted. And while some of those things might happen in the short term with alcohol consumption, I was too young, and too naïve, to understand the huge risks that came along with the vicious cycle of drinking alcohol. That naïve mindset would eventually start to come undone.

The Slippery Slope – From Weekend to Daily Drinking

For years, my alcohol consumption didn’t resemble anything close to substance abuse. I was drinking in the same way that many of my friends and peers were drinking, and it seemed fine. For the most part, I avoided excessive alcohol consumption during this phase and looked forward to parties and other events where I could cut loose and have a good time.

As my teenage years turned into my early twenties, however, there was a shift. No longer was I just drinking at parties and with friends – I was now drinking on my own, most days of the week. Get home from work? Have a drink. Face a stressful situation in my personal life? Have a drink. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was the start of true alcohol use disorder. It was no longer about adding to an enjoyable experience with alcohol consumption. Instead, I was using alcohol to get away from my problems. That’s a huge change, but it happened without me even noticing.

At this point, however, not drinking didn’t even seem like an option. I was always the life of the party, how could I stop drinking? What would people think? Even though I had crossed over into something that looked a lot like the danger zone of substance abuse, drinking was part of my identity and I didn’t know any other way.

Losing Friends and Losing Trust

There is a point along the path of alcohol use disorder where your body starts to suffer some of the consequences of heavy drinking. You can no longer shake off those long nights of partying like you once could. As you continue to abuse alcohol, your body starts to have a harder time fighting back.

But it wasn’t the physical health problems that started to get my attention. Instead, it was the way my problematic drinking was destroying relationships that started to harm the quality of my life. I always thought that drinking helped me make friends. That wasn’t the case anymore. My friends were getting tired of my antics and actually wanted me to stop drinking. I didn’t understand this shift because it was such a change from the persona that I held for years.

Relationships with friends weren’t the only problem. At work, my boss was tired of me showing up late, missing meetings, or not performing at my best. I still had my job, but it was becoming clear that I was on thin ice. I didn’t yet know that I needed professional treatment, but the signs were piling up that something was very wrong. If I failed to quit drinking sometime soon, my life was going to reach a point of no return. Alcohol ruined many things for me by this point, and it was only getting worse.

At this point, I was in a “middle ground” with my drinking habits that you might be able to relate to. I didn’t yet want to get addiction treatment or go to support groups, but it was getting harder to ignore the fact that this was a problem. More alcohol wasn’t going to solve it, and I needed to act differently than my current binge drinking habits.

The Long-Awaited Wake-Up Call

You might be expecting this part of the story to be where I tell you about the dramatic event that changed my life forever. The time I got arrested after a drunken fight at the bar. Or the DUI I got after driving when I shouldn’t have been. Only nothing like that ever happened. Instead, my wake-up call came when I was at home, alone, struggling after yet another long night of drinking.

I was on the floor, sick, with a pounding headache. If you have struggled with alcohol use, you are familiar with that situation. I’d been there countless times, but this one was different. Something powerful hit me out of nowhere and I couldn’t shake it. Suddenly, I saw my life for what it was, and I didn’t like it. What was I doing? How did I end up in this situation?

The emotions were overwhelming. I knew that alcohol ruins lives, and for the first time, I could see clearly that it had ruined mine. I’ll never understand why it took so long for me to see what everyone around me had been seeing for years. Finally, I knew that addiction treatment was needed, even if I didn’t know what that was going to look like at the moment.

Starting on the Road to Recovery

It’s never easy to admit that you are wrong in life. And, in many ways, that’s what you are doing by seeking addiction treatment. You are highlighting the fact that something has been wrong and you need to correct it. I doubt I’ll ever do anything harder than making that admission, but I’ll also never do anything more important.

I entered addiction treatment shortly after having that epiphany while on the floor of my home, alone. The alcohol withdrawal was rough, to be sure, but the medication-assisted treatment I received helped significantly. After getting through detox, I was able to go through an intensive treatment program, take part in support groups, and move beyond my drinking problem one day at a time.

There is no finish line in recovery. I will always be working to make sure that no more alcohol crosses my lips. Some days are easier than others, but with consistent, ongoing help, the good days are more common and the bad days come along less and less frequently. I’m proud of the progress that I have made and I look forward to many more years of enjoying the sober life.

Make Today a Turning Point

Make no mistake – I’m not writing this to tell you that recovery is easy. And I’m certainly not blaming you for the position you find yourself in. Alcohol abuse is incredibly common, it has many causes, and it is extremely destructive. But it is important to know that you can get to a much better place. I have been where you are and I have tremendous respect for you searching for a solution to this problem.

I simply want to leave you with the encouragement to start seeking sobriety today. I know it isn’t easy. Your alcohol abuse may go back years, and the withdrawal symptoms can be powerful and overwhelming. That’s why I don’t want you to do it alone. Admit that you need help, and reach out to professionals like the team at Ingrained Recovery today. With the right support, you can confront your alcohol use disorder and seek lasting recovery on the other side. I wish you nothing but the best in this journey.